Burnt Tha Frick Out

Yoohoo chumbelinas. Today I have awoken feeling like shit. Not in a sick or hungover way, just like 'I am so, so tired I don't actually know if I can make it from my bed to the kitchen without passing out.' Shit is dire, and I know this because of my eyes. Normally, if I'm horrifically overtired I'll get a nice purpley tinge to the region surrounding my eyeballs, but genetically I never get bags. Apart from today. I have had eye bags maybe three times in my life, the last of which was in August 2011 when I was living in New York City and running on basically no sleep, and today they are back. They are small but they are there and that is how I knew that it was time to put all of my important tomfoolery to one side and chill the fuck out.

To the untrained eye, aka mainly Fiona I would assume, it doesn't really seem as though I have much to be stressed about. Seeing as I don't really tend to experience stress (outside of anxiety but that is a chemical imbalance which aint my fault) that is partially true, but shout to the lord I did not realise how much I had going on until this afternoon when I made myself a list. I've got less than a month left of uni ever, which is fabbo in terms of I will soon be free, but more importantly it means that everyone is piling on the work and I have to start thinking about things like the fact that 3 out of my 4 final assessments are all due on the same frickin day. I will survive, but it will not be pretty. Finishing uni leads into the gaping abyss that is real life. Elements of this are already present, such as Moving Out: The Greatest Hits, featuring Maddi Needs to Buy Some Groceries and Stop Eating Toast For Dinner, and everyone's favourite Maybe Get A Job Soon. However, this is but the beginning and there are countless glories still waiting to be explored, like HEY MADDI WHAT R U GONNA DO AS A CAREER bloodyyyy idunnoo guys so just gimme a sec aiight. We can cross that bridge when we come to it. WHICH IS APPARENTLY SOON.

This brings me to the obligations I have kindly delivered unto myself. Two blogs, two youtube channels and about six other creative projects that I have very slowly chugging along in secret all sounded like a great ideas on their own, but when you combine them with each other and everything else it gets a LITTLE BIT BUSY UP IN HERE, GUVNAH. Just a frickin tad. I'm not complaining because tbh no one is forcing me to do any of it and they're all things that I genuinely enjoy, just thinking that mayhaps it is time to get into that 'time management' thing my mother has been propaganda-ing at my face for the last 21 years. Who knows. These are dark and scary times. In my experience I work best once I get into a routine, but routines take effort and consistency and those are two things that have been evading me since '93. Pleased with that rhyme, won't lie. Also I realised yesterday that this candle I bought because it smells like my fav scent ever aka Tuscan Blood Orange is the candle from a collection that's labelled by year and the year of the orange candle was 1993 and I thought that that was a beautiful little coinkidink, my fav scent and my birth year hashtag serendipity hashtag I know that isn't actually serendipitous at all hashtag still bothers me when people misuse 'inception' this is an extremely long sentence hashtag yolo hashtag henry james. That last bit was a witty literary reference because the entire frickin first page of The Turn of the Screw by Henry James is one massive run-on sentence and I hated it so much. Let's start a new paragraph.

SO YAS. That is a beautiful little glimpse into what's bangaranging its way around my mind at present. Also present but not elaborated upon are keeping up to date with friends in other countries, hanging out with friends in this country, the songs I'm meant to be writing, moving to England next year, That Thing I Did Yesterday, the guy that I think I might like but am trying to ignore that right now and the fact that I need to remember to be home for the dishwasher person to come on Monday. It is a hard knock fast and the furious kinda life. I'm off to do some more structured writing over on A Version of the Truth, but this has been a nice little mental dump. I am now feeling slighly less like the mental equivalent of Tangela. Tangela is a pokemon if you were unaware/are violently uneducated. Hashtag no offense hashtag charizard. Okay imma go now. God bless.