It's quite a common occurrence that after a break up people will try and change their appearance, most stereotypically by going for the classic "look how different and free I am now" hair cut. Not really my style, as I would prefer to get progressively more attractive post-split, and tbh a choppy bob is probably not going to do that for me, but I appreciate the sentiment. Personally, I've gone for more of a life shake up approach, changing my surroundings, the things I do and the people I see, so that I have as good a chance of a clean break as possible.* Up until now I've been hesitant to really talk about how I've been dealing with things, partly out of respect for the relationship and mostly out of self-preservation, but recent events have given me a bit of a 'kkz I'm out' attitude, which alongside making my life a little simpler (albeit somewhat angrier) also means there's a whole bunch more that I'm willing to share with yall.
My most obvious change of surroundings was fleeing the state/country entirely, but that kind of thing is a temporary solution at best, and the most important changes were the ones I made in my own space at home. The first thing I did - literally about ten minutes post break up - was take everything that made me sad or angry or in any way negatively affected when I looked at it and put it somewhere I would never have to see it. I like to think of this as the Joey Approach, inspired by the episode of Friends when he's reading Little Women and it gets too sad so he puts the book in the freezer. However there's only so much one can fit in a freezer, and mine is largely occupied by popsicles and different varieties of chicken nuggets, so I adjusted the plan and put everything Patrick related in a closet.
In my experience, things that used to make you happiest will generally end up being the things that make you most sad. Removing material reminders won't stop you from thinking about things, but it will make it a bit easier, and there's no point in holding on for sentimentality's sake when the things you're reminded of are no longer a reality. For example, as we are all probably aware there was once a time when Hitler's most prominent passion was art. Fast forward to the Final Solution and I don't feel as though many people would have been swayed by the argument that 'yeah he's being a bit shit now, but look at this really lovely watercolour he did of a barn'. Similarly, you can dwell all you want on the nice things someone used to do, the promises they made or the things that they said that one time, but at the end of the day despite all that they still made the conscious decision that you were no longer something they wanted in their life, and no amount of pastel landscapes can make up for the fact that now 90% of the Jewish population of Poland is dead.
One of my history lecturers at uni once said that as soon as someone uses Hitler as an example the discussion has run its course, but you get the point. People change, and holding on to how things used to be is only going to make it even shittier when you realise just how different they've become.
Sex and the City opening monologue short, ideally I would change basically everything about my rooms from wall colour to furniture, but there's quite a strong chance I'll be moving out some time in the next few months so for now I have to compromise. Keeping in mind that the full transition is most likely around the corner, I've settled for rearranging things, throwing out a bunch of stuff and just making smaller changes that have a big effect on how I feel in the space.
If removing key items was Step 1, then Step 2 was rearranging everything I already had and changing things like the set up of my picture frames, shelves and coffee table, and Step 3 was going out and buying new things for areas I felt were missing a lil sumsum. Like cacti.
This is all still very much a work in progress, and is obviously only part of the process, but jayzus has it made me feel better. I imagine this is how other people feel when they get a post-breakup tattoo, like 'you don't know me, you don't know my life, you've never seen this exact replica of Monet's Garden on my back.'
Ironically, two of the newest additions to my room are paintings that I got while in Italy with ye olde ex (still getting used to saying that, but since I accidentally referred to my 'boyfriend' while talking to a guy in one of my tutes I've decided it's something I probably need to start embracing), but I never had them out anywhere while we were together so they don't really hold any strong emotional connection for me, which is strange but convenient because let's be real they're hecka pretty.
Unfortunately I have just realised that my social presence is required shortly (as in 'one will have to craft a smokey eye in the back of a cab' shortly) so I must love you and leave you, but I'll be back soon enough so pls don't get upset and put your laptop in the freezer. If you're really not quite ready to let go, my friend Jake has made a really nice and relevant video on how to make yourself feel happier when things are a bit shit, and we've discovered we're pretty much in sync on this front so it covers most of what I would have said anyway.
Many blessinz x0
