December


Eyyyy lads. December innit. I finished my last ever shift at work less than 36 hours ago and have already messed up my sleeping pattern to the point where it is now 7.30am and I have missed any opportunity to gently slumber before my 11am appointment to have the shit beaten out of me by my osteopath, but it's okay. It's alright. I've only just regained control of my own schedule so it's only natural there should be a few kinks to iron out. Speaking of which, one of the best discoveries of November was the fact that if I braid my hair a certain way I can get away with not straightening it, which is what I believe I shall be attempting this sunny morn. Because I don't think I should be trusted with heat. Now speaking of NOVEMBER (bloody crushing it with the segues here, you'd never know I was violently sleep deprived and listening to What A Girl Wants by Christina Aguilera for maybe the 800th time in three days*), let's check in with how stupendously I adhered to those cheeky goals I set myself at the start of last month, shall we?

1. Get through my last month at work
Bloody did it, didn't I.
2. Blog consistently
Bloody didn't, did I.
3. Finalise lyric sheets
I think I did this right at the start of the month? Idk? I forgot about it. But I think it's done?
4. Minimise pre-move wardrobe
Yes. I have done this several times. And I will do it several times more. Why do I have so many clothes.
5. Sort books
Nope
6. See my friends
Literally did not see any of my friends at all in the month of November except for by accident.
7. Tech detox
Again nope. Completely forgot.
8. Keep going to the gym
ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE!
9. Get back into meditating
I'm gonna give this a yes cos I did it a lot more than in October.
10. Finish my Venice book.
God damn it I should have read through these goals before now.

I can deal with 5/10. That's a pass.


I don't think I want to set any goals for December. Partially because I'm very tired right now, but mostly because I realised as soon as I became officially unemployed that I have genuinely no idea whatsoever what my life is going to be like from this point on and have subsequently spiralled into quite the crisis, team. Quiiite. the crisis. Three weeks from now I will have moved out of this apartment, which means I have to determine by then what I can and can not take with me to England. And considering my first attempt at packing consisted mainly of stuffed animals and ended with me sobbing on the floor, I'm predicting perhaps not the most emotionally settled of months ahead.

Then 50 days from now I will be on a plane on my way to England, after which I am going to have to find a place to live and a job, and become completely financially independent and self-reliant, and not have my mother available to bring me various soups when I am sick, and it's going to be really cold there, and I won't be able to hang out with my dog, and I'm going to have to pay my own rent and figure out what to do for a career and then figure out how to do that thing for a career and then figure out how to hand wash things because I'm pretty sure just dumping them in a sink with some washing powder isn't 100% the right way to do it and it's just a LOT TO TAKE IN RIGHT NOW.

But I'm fine.
Haven't cried in over 24 hours.
Gonna buy some flowers today and then have a nap.


In all seriousness though, this is an absolutely terrifying crossroads but I feel like that's kind of inevitably the case any time you encounter something with the potential to be incredibly positive so I'm just going to keep reminding myself of that after I have my therapeutic cries. Might write motivational quotes on post it notes and stick em places I'll see like my mirror and the cheese shelf in the fridge. And if push comes to shove I can just make a really detailed vision board.
We'll be fine.

I am incredibly unsure as to how I am going to navigate the rest of today and the commitments I made prior to apparently forgetting to sleep, but I have faith in my ability to operate on obscenely low energy reserves so we should be fine. Unless I fall asleep on the tram and end up in Balwin or some shit. Do trams go to Balwin? Is that how you spell it? Balwyn? I don't know. I don't even know where it is, being honest, so let's hope I don't go there.

Also take note of how many times I told you/myself that things are going to be "fine" in this post.
Yup. Promising. Definitely gonna be fine.
Bless us all.
x0

*In all seriousness though I don't know what's happened but something has snapped inside of me and I can NOT stop listening to What A Girl Wants to the point where Fiona thinks I'm trying to train her like Mugatu.

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