Rainy Sunday

If you've read the title of this post and you've been around here for more than five minutes you'll know that I am in my element right now. It's 10.30am and there's a really weird kind of storm outside that vaguely looks like it's snowing every now and then (it's about 11 degrees and also Australia so obviously it's just oddly slow rain but I can dream thank u) and I don't have to be anywhere this morning so I'm having a nice little chill sesh and watching Outlander, as enthusiastically recommended to me by my friend Lauren. I'm only on the third episode and I am already quite into it. To be fair, give me any kind of historical drama and I'm pretty much automatically down, especially since I just finished The Musketeers so was very much in need of something to fill that gap. 

It is now quite literally raining sideways. Solid effort, Melbourne. Lately I've been in quite a Berlin mood. This is a bit of a departure from my usual Italy/UK longing, but right now I could just really go a solid sunny evening chillin' at this one specific mexican restaurant after an afternoon in the Tiergarten. I would drink a thousand blueberry mojitos and smash those mozzarella sticks and it would just be a really beautiful disaster. I also very much want to go back to this coffee shop called The Barn on Auguststra├če because they had baller Ethiopian coffee and hella nice pastries but on the day we went I had left some random German club at 8am, not yet slept and was running late to get my flight to Rome so I did not enjoy it to its full potential. Oh PS fun fact I've started reintroducing coffee into my life. I avoided it for a while because it was doing weird things to my anxiety but I very much missed it so I've slowly been getting myself used to it again on days when I've had enough sleep and am generally mentally stable and it's going pretty dang well. Congrats 2 me.

I have no idea where this post is going but to be fair that's pretty accurately reflective of my overall mindset today.

So far this morning I've been working on my various daily routines. I'm very into the idea of having a set morning routine, and in the past when I've had one it's been a jolly time, but over the last month or so I've fallen out of pretty much every routine I have so I'm rethinking things in order to motivate me to get back into it. You can expect a post on the final product eventually, but not for a while because imma want to test it out and wait until it actually is my routine before I start bragging about how together my life is.

After I typed all that I got distracted for quite literally ten hours, and somewhere between washing my bedding, cleaning my room and watching about twenty consecutive videos of a girl from Denmark talking about makeup I understandably lost my train of thought. Which wasn't so solid to begin with, if we're being honest. I know I keep saying in every update that I've been busy getting my shit together but to be honest that's been the tone of this entire year so far. I'm trying to get about four different writing projects done, keep youtube going, plan and save for the move to London, bring some kind of focus back to music and continue adjusting to living on my own, and while I've got my head around each of those things individually I'm still working on the juggling side of things. It's getting more refined, and progress is happening, but it's an ongoing process so just #bearwith the In Construction phase a bit longer. Just until the various balls get rolling enough to earn their own focus over here. Although if this is a juggling analogy they shouldn't be rolling at all. But I'm violently uncoordinated so I guess that is just being more realistic.

Speaking of my various balls, I went and saw my singing teacher slash spirit guide this week for the first time since November (before that I'd seen her pretty much weekly since I was 16) and I genuinely feel like my missing piece has returned and I am so relieved. That sounds dramatic because it bloody is. I've been saying to Fiona that I was feeling really weird and increasingly not like myself lately, and after three hours of jammin', life chats and bitching about foolish boys I felt whole again, just like Atomic Kitten said. Legitimately the best, most positive and most like myself I've felt in months. Singing is so important to me and when I don't have an outlet for that it does mess with me, but beyond that my singing teacher is also just ridiculously supportive of me as a person. 

She's legitimately me from the future and I know she doesn't bullshit around, so the confidence she has in me and the fact that she thinks I'm capable of so much not only with the things we work on but in life overall carries a lot of weight for me, and it would be hard for some of that not to rub off. After the things that we worked through I'm feeling so positive about moving forward and getting some real projects going that we've been talking about for quite literally years and I just feel very supported, motivated and back to myself. Very centred, which is one thing that I definitely haven't properly been in a while.

While we're at Appreci8ion Station my mum has also been on the ball with the emotional support and pep talks lately, and when we had brunch last weekend she came out of absolutely nowhere with a little inspirational lecture about something I'd been thinking about a lot but hadn't mentioned at all and considering I'm hella into signs (and also she made some valid points) it really helped me to settle things in my mind, so shout out to Cola for that one. Influential women in my life coming through with the goods left, right and centre.

So although I wasn't particularly unhappy before, I'm definitely in an even better place now and I am v excited to see everything start to take shape. For now, though, I am starting to get cold and my eyeballs are beginning to hurt so imma call it an early night and go read my Venice book in bed, but I will be back v soon with some more structured #content. 
Blessinz 2 all x0